♪ Good morning, good morning ♪
♪ I'd like a bagel too and smear it. ♪
- Excuse me. - ♪ With cream cheese, thank you. ♪
Excuse me!
Did it occur to you that some of us might still be trying to sleep?
Oh, lighten up, Fras. Ronee was showing me
how she can change lyrics to suit the occasion.
Yes, very impressive. Does she take requests?
- Sure. - Stop it.
You know what you need, Grumpy?
A nice breakfast. Marty, why don't you get Grumpy
- some breakfast. - I don't want any breakfast.
And please stop calling me that.
♪ Got me some ♪ ♪ Ham and some cakes on the griddle. ♪
Whoo!
♪ Good God, he's a grumpy boy. ♪
- Did you see what she just did? - Yes, it's mind-boggling.
Dad, do you mind giving me a ride to work today?
- My car is in the shop. - Again?
Well, see, my seat warmer's stuck on high,
so I tried to offset it by blasting the air conditioner,
which resulted in a sort of a fog bank on my dashboard.
I can give you a ride, Fras.
I mean, it's just an old Caddy, so there's nothing fancy
like butt warmers or seat belts.
Fine.
Let me just make sure my will is in order, and I'll be back in a minute.
Well, I'm gonna go take a shower.
- Don't use all the water. - I know.
Gotta leave enough for milady's tub.
Oh, that's okay. I can take a shower too.
I wasn't talking about you.
Hello?
Oh, Richard, hi. Heh.
Listen, this really isn't a good time. I was just heading into a yoga class...
Yeah, no, I would love to have dinner.
Yeah, that sounds fun.
Okay.
I'll see you then, sweetie. Mm.
You know, I got two steps into my room
and realised I had forgotten... Ah, there it is.
♪ There it is. ♪
♪ Frasier's coffee cup. ♪
You are a national treasure.
Niles. Thank God you're here. There's something I need to discuss.
Oh, wait, wait, wait. I... I'm in a middle of composing a plea
to Alfred Antin in the metre of Dr. Seuss.
Who?
Theodor Geisel. The children's author. "I do not like green eggs and ham,
- "I do not like them, Sam I am." - Yes, I know who Dr. Seuss is.
- Who's the other guy? - Oh, Alfred Antin.
He's Seattle's premier scenic painter specialising in children's rooms.
His billowing clouds can be seen scudding across the ceilings
of the finest nurseries in town, but he's booked solid,
so I thought if I wrote this...
Oh, you've lost interest, haven't you?
Well, I was feigning interest to begin with.
Niles, I need your advice on something. Uh...
This morning, I... I heard Ronee on the phone
make a date with another man.
Are you sure?
Well, I'm positive she was talking to a man,
- yes, and in honeyed tones. - Mm.
Here's my predicament. I...
- I don't want to meddle. - Mm-hm.
But I also don't wanna see Dad get hurt.
So how do you suggest we tell him?
- We? - Yes, we.
Don't drag me into this. I don't know about it.
I just briefed you.
- I didn't wanna be. - You should have said.
You're in as deep as I am.
- You can't unscramble an egg, Niles. - What are you talking about?
- Well, I... - Oh, boys, boys, boys,
I'm glad I caught you. You see this?
- "Doo-wop-alooza"? - Yeah, one night only.
All the greats of doo-wop. The Coasters, the Platters,
and that guy from the Teenagers is back from his hip replacement.
- Wow. - Yes.
Oh, I know you guys aren't interested in modern music,
but Ronee would really love it.
I was hoping maybe you could use your connections
to maybe score us a couple of seats.
Well, I'm afraid I'm not very well connected in the doo-wop world, Dad.
Uh, if there's ever a Mahler-palooza, I'm your man.
Dad, I'll ask around.
Well, I'm off to try and win the heart and mind of A. Antin.
I'll go and meet him with my Daphne.
And hope that things don't go ker-phaphne.
Hey, Fras, sorry again about this morning.
Me and Ronee waking you up. We were having fun.
No. It's great to have a fling once in a while, isn't it?
Hey, let me tell you something.
You don't go to Doo-wop-alooza with a fling. Heh.
I see.
- You got something you wanna say? - No.
- Fine. - Well, all right,
if you insist on dragging it out of me, um,
something happened this morning, Dad.
- What? - Well,
I was, uh, walking down the hall to retrieve my coffee,
and, uh, Ronee was on the phone.
And I didn't wanna interrupt, so I waited,
and I heard her make a...
A date with another man.
- So you eavesdropped, huh? - No.
A person's having a conversation, you stop and listen.
- That's eavesdropping. - Dad, it was by accident.
I understand why you'd be upset,
- but don't shoot the messenger. - The messenger's got it coming
if he's a dirty little eavesdropper.
You walk into a private conversation, you make your presence known
by some subtle way. You can clear your throat. Ahem.
- You can make a noise. - Dad, please.
Just because people call in for your pearls of wisdom on the radio,
it doesn't give you a free pass to get into everybody's business.
Now I know why you're always saying, "I'm listening."
Because you always are.
Oh, well, I'm glad the two of you found that so amusing,
but as you've just heard,
it is rude to listen in on other people's conversations.
- Oh, Niles. Come on in. - Hey, Frasier.
I'm just here to drop off these Doo-wop-alooza tickets for Dad.
That's good luck. How did you manage it?
Well, actually, Alfred Antin and his wife are big doo-wop fans,
and the couple that was going with them cancelled, so...
So they let... They let me have the tickets.
What are we looking for?
Well, uh, my money clip. Have you seen it?
Rarely.
I've misplaced it and it's distracting me no end.
Dad was thrilled when I told him I found the tickets.
Oh, well, I'm glad to hear that.
He was just a bit vexed when he left me earlier this morning.
Over what? Oh.
Frasier, you told him about Ronee's date.
As we agreed.
- We? - Yes, we.
There's no we. There's never been a we.
Oh, give it up, Niles. There is blood on both our hands.
Oh, gosh, that reminds me, I better go eat something.
I've got my reading in 20 minutes.
- Reading? - Yes.
Yes, I'm, uh, reciting "Annabelle Lee" for the Poe Society this evening.
I don't mind telling you I'm just a bit nervous.
Well, don't worry. Poe folk don't expect much.
I had to say that.
- Well, I'm off. - Yes.
It's this amazing doo-wop show.
All the greats, one night only, this Sunday.
Sunday? I...
I'm sorry. I... I made plans.
Oh, plans, huh? Uh, what kind of plans?
Look, Marty, I like you too much to lie to you. I...
- I have a date. - Oh. Oh.
Well, that's no problem. You, uh...
- You want a drink? - Oh, no, I better not. I'm working.
Just a beer.
You're not upset, are you?
I mean, you know, we never really talked about not seeing other people.
Oh, no, that's fine. No, no, I'm seeing other people too.
Maybe I'll ask, uh, Sheila.
- Yeah, she'll be all over this one. - Heh.
So, uh,
how about another night?
Yeah, sure. Uh, what about Tuesday?
- Great. - Great.
- Ha, ha.
Wow, I had no idea it was this late.
- So I'll call you about Tuesday. - Great.
Frasier, what are you doing?
I didn't know you two were home. Uh...
I was just, uh, cleaning the oven. I must have dozed off.
Cool.
Well, I gotta run. Good night, you two.
Yeah, see you.
You have a disease!
Yes.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let me explain. - There's nothing to explain.
I told you not to eavesdrop and you did it again! You are a very sick person!
I tried to announce myself,
but I had a mouthful of apple rendering me speechless.
Oh.
I was a cop. You think I haven't heard that one before?
You're just angry because I heard you lying to Ronee.
You really expect to win Ronee's heart by inventing fictitious girlfriends?
Sheila, indeed.
It's none of your business, and you weren't to hear it.
- Yeah, I did hear it. - No, you overheard it!
It's like an illegal wiretap. It's inadmissible.
Dad, you cannot build a relationship on lies.
- Inadmissible! - Dad!
- Inadmissible! - Oh, fine!
Why can't your father just go to the concert by himself?
Because Alfred Antin will be offended if we don't use his tickets,
and then he won't paint our nursery.
Don't you wanna go with him?
Forget it, Niles. We flipped a coin, and you were the doo-wop-a-loser.
Hey, Niles. Ready to bop-bop-she-bop?
Oh, dear God, is it a dance? Am I going to have to move about?
No, you don't have to but you're gonna want to.
- Daphne? - I'm pregnant.
- What does that have to do with it? - It's my excuse until the baby is born.
After that, it'll be, "I can't leave the baby." Get used to it.
- Oh, Marty, hi. - Ronee, hey.
Uh, oh, um, this is Richard.
Uh, Martin. Daphne, Niles.
- Hello, Richard. - Hi.
Hello.
So how do you all know each other?
- Well, uh... - Ronee was my babysitter.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- I was a little monster. - Well...
- And you? - Uh...
Oh, Sheila! Where have you been?
Here's my date, Sheila. Got stuck at work, huh?
- Uh, yeah. - Yeah. Ha, ha.
Yeah, uh, Sheila's a model.
She does all those big auto and RV shows.
Point to something.
Oh.
Wow. Impressive. Heh. Nice meeting you.
- Yeah, see you. - Let's get ours to go.
- Oh, but I thought that... - Roll with the punches, Dick.
Uh, what are you doing?
Trying to make her jealous. Just go with it.
But I'm meeting my own date here.
The concert starts in 15 minutes. Alfred Antin will be angry if we're late.
Well, I can't leave unless Sheila comes with me.
Hello? Sheila has a date.
That's it. You have the tickets right here. You and I are going.
- Oh, do we have to? - Yes.
Do we really need clouds on the ceiling?
Couldn't we just push the crib closer to the window?
Why even use a crib? Let's just put him in a pizza box.
- Stop it. - Oh, you work with me here.
Okay. Okay.
Roz?
Larry, hi. This is my dad.
Hi. How you doing?
Hello. You brought your dad on our date?
Oh, of course not.
- He was leaving, aren't you, Dad? - But not until I finish my coffee.
- You don't have any coffee. - Uh, get me one, would you, Larry?
Dad, what are you doing here? Hi, Roz.
- Uh, hello. - Hi.
Is your brother joining us too?
- He's not my brother. - Oh, now, that's no way to be.
Uh, still waiting on that coffee, Lar.
- Okay, what the hell's going on? - Nothing.
Oh, hi, Frasier.
- Oh, hi, Ronee. - Nice to see you, Marty. Sheila.
Take care. Bye.
So you've been pressed into service as Sheila, hmm?
Pressed is right. He nearly bit my lip off.
- Here you go, Mr. Doyle. - Ah, thanks.
Come on, Larry, we're leaving.
It's nice meeting you, Mr. Doyle. And you can owe me on that coffee.
It was $3.75 and I flipped a quarter in the tip jar.
I'll be home early, Dad.
When are you gonna stop playing games and tell her?
It's too soon. We've only been seeing each other a few weeks.
I don't wanna scare her off.
- How do you know you'll scare her off? - Well, look at her, Fras.
She's young, she's got all these guys after her. I...
I'm lucky she even gave me a second glance. I don't wanna blow it
by looking like some desperate old guy with no options.
It's not desperate to tell somebody how you feel about them.
What if she doesn't feel the same way?
What if she does and you never find out?
Dad,
just give her a call and tell her you wanna talk to her.
Is that a "leave me alone" grunt,
or a "you bested me again, son, with your unassailable logic" grunt?
I thought so.
Hey, Dad. What you watching?
- Sports wrap-up. - Sports wrap-up. That sounds like fun.
Ooh. Ha, ha.
Oh, gosh, that's not very sportsmanlike. Ha, ha.
I called her, okay? Not that it's any of your business.
So?
I left a message.
Glad she wasn't there. I don't know what I'll say if she calls.
You did the right thing, Dad. I am proud of you.
I don't know. It... Uh, whole thing's making me nervous.
You know, I know why she's not calling me back.
She just doesn't know how to tell me she's dropping me for Richard.
Who said anything about dropping you?
No one, apparently, or you would have overheard it.
- Oh, hi, Ronee. - Hi, Frasier.
Hey, didn't expect to see you tonight.
Well, I got your message and I was in the neighbourhood, so,
what's up?
- Oh, uh, I was just heading out. - Wait, at this hour?
- I never thought you were a night owl. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
I love clubbing.
- I thought you'd just call. - Well, you know, I was going to,
but it sounded like maybe we needed to talk face to face.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Marty, is this about that woman I saw you with tonight?
- Well, kind of. - Yeah, I thought so.
Look, whatever it is, why don't you just come out and say it.
Yeah, all right. Well, um,
I'm not the kind of guy who...
Hey, you want a beer?
- Oh, boy, do I need one? - Oh, I think we could both use one.
Would you get that? Frasier probably forgot his key.
Yeah, sure.
Oh, Sheila.
I kind of thought your date was over.
Well,
maybe it is,
maybe it isn't.
Gotcha. Uh, just tell Marty "message received."
Okay.
- Roz, what are you doing here? - I found Frasier's clip. He home?
No. Uh-uh.
- Where's Ronee? - Oh, don't worry.
Sheila showed Ronee the door.
What? What the hell did you do that for?
Hey, I have no control over what Sheila does.
Oh, good, Niles, you're back. How was the concert?
Well, you're the one who wanted that cloud mural.
Pope Julius had to jump through similar hoops
to get Michelangelo to paint his ceiling.
Dear God, I think I just realised where I must have dropped my money clip.
Ronee's car. She gave me a ride in it the day I lost it.
Well, that's irresponsible of her.
She's left it open.
- Excuse me. - Oh, uh, yes. Of course.
There we are. Ha.
Thank you.
Anyway, I thought I'd swing by and take us both out for a nightcap.
All right, great. By the way, Niles, I spoke with Dad,
and he has taken our advice about talking things over with Ronee.
Mine and yours. That's what I mean by ours.
Oh, take some responsibility for once in your life, man.
You could have warned me that Sheila was on her way up.
- It's a misunderstanding. - I don't wanna hear it.
Well, you're gonna hear it because I'm not leaving.
Fine, just get in the car if you want to.
We're just gonna sit right here until you hear it all.
Okay, go ahead,
but you better make it good because I have a finely tuned crapometer.
There is no Sheila. Her name's Roz. She's Frasier's secretary.
I just pretended we were together.
- Forget it, Marty. - No, I know how this sounds,
but it's true.
Why would you do that?
Because I'd gotten these concert tickets to impress you,
and then when you said you had a date, I got...
Well, I got jealous, so I said I was getting a date too.
And then there you were in Nervosa
and when Roz came in, I made her Sheila.
Do you believe me?
You know, it's actually a little hot.
Really?
Um...
Look, Ronee, uh, maybe I'm old-fashioned,
but I know when something feels right.
I don't wanna see anybody else.
I wanna be exclusive, go steady. Whatever they call it now.
Well, that's my story.
What about you?
Well...
God, it's freezing in here.
I had a blanket.
Okay.
Since we're being honest, uh,
well, I've done my share of dating
and I haven't always made the best choices.
I have dated the bad guys, the guys who can't commit,
the guys who won't grow up,
the creeps with the nice suit,
- the pathological liars... - Okay, I get it.
Anyway, and then I started dating this really good guy.
You.
And I guess I just wanted to keep my options open with Richard
because I wasn't sure how you felt about me.
But now I am.
Now would be the time to put your class ring on a chain around my neck.
Well, I got one upstairs. Wanna come get it?
Wait, wait.
I've got a better idea.
I know this secluded beach that's miles away from anything.
You wanna go there and steam up the windows?
Oh, yeah.